Saturday, December 10, 2011

final project

          First off I have to say this bloody thing was damn hard I thought it would be easy but noooo it was a pain, Really made me think too. To help simplify all this for reading purposes I’m going to individually address the questions then mention the relation to the project tangible, the Photoshop collage.


          First question was who am I in the eyes/perception of others I really thought about this and I realized something I’m a different person in the eyes of some people vs what I am in the eyes of some other people basically to my family especially my father’s side I seem to be a freaking super genius that does nothing but program and crunch numbers they don’t seem to recognize my creative side at all. To me they don’t see me for who I am but to them this is who I am the kid they remember and not who I am now but to stop that before I answer the 7th question in the first XD. Too my friends however they see me for who I believe I am who am I you ask well here we go I am an elf obsessed perverted and creative wackjob who has I very nasty problem of going off on tangents and plays WAY too much video games XD and that was just a very small part of the complexity. Anyways this is what the friends seem to identify me as. Too show this in the tangible I set myself with small representations of my personality on either side of a black silhouette of me. This is two represent the two different identities that different people hold towards me.


          Question number two was how do I perceive myself well haven’t I already said that I do see myself as creative. I do see myself as slightly ok not slightly I’m just plain perverted. I do see myself as an elf obsseser. I do think I play a lot of video games, no believe too much though. I do see myself as a little random. And I do believe that I have a purpose what that is I don’t know yet but hell that’s the next question isn’t it.


           The dreaded question asked throughout time why am I here. Ok so this one turned my brain inside out smashed it a few times threw it into a blender spat in that blender lit it on fire then proceeded to stuff it I a rocket and blow it up. First I was going to simply say I don’t know then I slapped myself and really thought about this. Why am I here well I’m here for one because I was meant to be something. I also came to the conclusion that seeking the answer for this question for this from any book or any person was naive and foolish. I am here to be something to be something that I choose. I choose to be the creator of the 21st centuries myth to be the 21st centuries Tolken to have my stories to have my ideas become the bases for fantasies for the next 100 years I am here to leave my eternal mark on the culture of the united states the culture of the world the culture of whole human civilization! I am here to be a person who’s worlds and characters are remembered far past my mortal time. 200 years from now my name will be in the history books not as a nameless face that perished at the end of the oil age but as the man who took charge and created something that stood the test of time. So yes I don’t know is the crap answer the answer given by those who wish to fade into the annuls of history I chose to answer why am I here with the simple response I AM HERE TO LEAVE MY MARK ON CIVILIZATION! Weather for better or worse! the representation of this in the tangible is simple it IS the tangible I have taken my first steps into leaving my eternal mark.


             What are the implications of your identify on others? Another hard question, but the way I display my identity will judge how others especially those close to me will act towards how they will see me what they will ask of me. If I can’t convey what I believe is my identity to others in turn others will treat me in the way that I would despise. My identity controls every first time meeting it controls who will find me interesting. Who will be able to put up with me. My future spouse is even controlled by how I project my identity. To simplify the implications on others its everything its what tells people who I am and effects how they will respond too me. The shadowy eyes is this questions representation in the collage the other people judging and deciding who they should see me as.


            DAB NABIT all these freaking questions are intertwined so delicately psshht oh well. How do other peoples identity’s affect me. Well as I said earlier identity is what controls how I act towards others and vice versa so do other people's identity affect me most defiantly they do. IN general I consider the creative freethinking and illogical identity to be the true me but when around my father and stepmother the old me comes out the math genius I don’t know why either. I don’t know if its just the sternness of my father his traditional way of life or what. The stern traditional man is the identity I see my father as this is somehow forcing me to fall into my old identity but some part of me just wants to reveal who I really am and I just can’t is it fear of him disowning me is it fear of breaking him to pieces I’m not one hundred percent sure. I can say this though I believe, again not 100% sure never can be, that I fall into my old identity because I don’t believe he is ready to see the true me. I know someday that my true self will come out when around him I can feel my true self knocking at the door with an axe when I am around both my father and my brothers or friends. My friends know who I am and I just want to be able to act as if only they were there but that stern identity of my father overlooks and barricades the door. one day I swear he will see me for who I am. The people faded into the center of the mirror represent this question all of the people could possibly be my identity but also they could be the identity of others pulling at me like the earth pulls the moon.


             Well final question eh and holy crap If you read everything Ive been talking about this one has already been answered no identity is NOT static it changes weather we have our eyes opened to our true self or the strong identity of those close to us forces a false or past identity to emerge identity is never static. It is like the oceans always present but ever-changing with the power to clam us or the power to destroy us. Identity is eternally a part of us no matter how hard we try to be static and live a life in which we never change something will always be there to break the stillness.

       and here it is the omg no matter what i do i still think my crap looks like crap crap that all this serious made me cry ,yes one of these questions had me in tears to the point were i had to simply walk away form the computer, project.

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